As my 24th Birthday approaches many things have weighed heavy on my mind. Who in the hell am I, and what in the hell am I doing are the two questions that come to mind.

I am Casey Hawkins. I am (On May 1st) 24 years old. I have brown hair and eyes. I enjoy watching anime that makes me cry, and playing RPG's. I have had many friends in the past, many of which are no longer around me, and I am left with my best-friend in the whole world. I have my family as well, and this is all I need, and all I am comfortable with.

I write music. I am first and foremost a musician/composer. I also enjoy to some degree working with graphic design.

The question of where I'm going has been bothering me a lot here lately. What in the hell am I doing? I wanted to know, so I bought a tablet. For my birthday. I used it for thirty minutes, and realized I had made a mistake. THIS is not who I am.

My keyboard (for music) sits on my left, and I realized THAT is who I am. I write music. For 10 years I have written music. For 7 I have composed on the computer and I have evolved from little ditties to major compositions. I am teaching myself to arrange for orchestra and I am currently working on my 3rd album.

I am happy when I compose music, but I am not happy when I am working with graphic design. It has slowly begun to feel like a necessary evil in my life. A part of my creative drive. I write a story. Then I write some music. Then I do some graphic design.

But lately, I've been moving further and further away from my artwork and more towards my writing and my composing. My major downfall (which is quite alright with me) is that I cannot actually draw. Every time I make a piece of artwork, I feel like a liar. If you asked me to draw it by hand, I wouldn't be able to.

But as I've said, it's quite alright. I was not meant to do artwork. I was meant to work with music, and to write.

I want to thank everyone on Deviant Art for all of their comments and support over the past year and a half.

I will not be deleting my account, because one day I might find myself saying: "Design is no longer evil, let's have at it again, without taking ourselves too seriously, ok?" I'm sure that day will come. And I want this place to still be around. Not only deviant Art, but my page as well. I have moved all of my artwork into scraps. In hopes, that one day, new artwork will grace my user-page. Perhaps one day.

So here I go, into my 24th year of life.

Here I go, as I begin work on my 3rd album. I would love that everyone would join me, but I know that it is just wishful thinking on my part.

In any case, have a wonderful day, and I hope to speak with all of you again sometime!

~Casey Hawkins
Saturday, April 26th 2008 @ 11:59pm